The Lyons and why you might want to leave at intermission

Typically, one leaves a play at intermission if it's terrible. The last show I left at intermission was Baby It's You, because reading my book on the F train was highly preferable to Act Two. However, I would argue that you might want to buy a ticket for Vineyard Theatre's The Lyons and then leave at intermission.

I saw The Lyons on a Saturday night, with a surprisingly old audience. Act One takes place in a hospital room. Ben Lyons is dying of cancer and his wife waits with him, reading magazines. Ben, played by Dick Latessa, has comes to terms with dying and is using the opportunity to share his opinions of his wife, their children and everything else. I've never seen such an elderly audience laughing so hard at cursing. Ben swears up a storm; he is dying and if he sees a motherfucker, he's calling him a motherfucker (to all of our delight).

Linda Lavin as his wife, Rita, is worth the price of admission. Her character has great lines and entirely great monologues. She is funny and caustic, and so very New York. Lavin gives stellar, entertaining performance.

And then there's our boy Michael Esper. I knew only the basic plot, so I was shocked when his character was announced as gay before he even entered the scene. And then he entered, like a freaking chameleon, with facial hair and an old man cardigan. I was expecting Eli from iHo, but what a difference a costume can make at depicting a sad, lonely, unstable man. His character, Curtis, is incredibly unappealing. It was surely a draining, emotional role to play (he cried big, fat tears three or four times, got all red and blotchy). His posture, affect and voice were so unlike anything else I had seen him do. But I guess that's why they call it acting.

Act One remained in the hospital room as the family argued and yelled at each other. It was hysterical, a real pleasure. Nice flow, good chemistry, everything perfect. I was thinking about all of the people I was going to recommend this show to, and who I should bring with me to see it a second time.

Then post intermission there were three shorter scenes. The first is the daughter, Lisa, delivering a monologue at an AA meeting. The second is this bizarre, uncomfortable scene with Curtis and a real estate agent, that made me want to cover my ears and close my eyes. The final scene was back in the hospital room for a surprising twist. The whole second act was choppy and unpleasant. I went from really enjoying myself, to disliking the characters and wanting to go home.

The Lyons would do well as a one-act. Just give Rita a few more superb monologues, another family argument and a conclusion. Voila - 90 minute one act comedy! And happier people leaving the theater, who might recommend it to a friend.